It has been a long time. I’m not even going to look at how long its been since I published an entry. Truthfully. I can’t bear to. I have so many things in my life since whatever it was I published last. I think maybe it was about my lawnmower crushing me. Maybe. Well, I can mow now, but not quite all of it. It’s still crushing me a small amount. For that matter, I’m pretty much like the wicked witch of the East, and Ive been crushed by my house as well. Just look for my pink ribbon socks sticking out. On second though, hold that thought. My cartoon brain just illustrated my feet curling in some horrific fashion. Eeek. I’m pretty sure whoever had some of the thoughts from that movie ran through the poppy fields first. Okay. Focus.

It’s been a great long while. I do know that much. I also know that I will never publish this if I try to update you on the entirety of my life since the last blog. I hope in time I do just that. I’m sure at least one person would like to have an update, so I do hereby solemnly swear I will blog about my those things. And send me a message if there is any suggestions or questions that you would like answered or your curious about. In the meantime, I am truly blogging because I have needed to for so long and I need to just do it. I need to get that first one out there again. So, Hello! (Again).

I suppose I will just let you know how I’m doing today. Not maybe specifically today, but today collectively. (I wont bore you about my great many adventures of taking care of a sick child and how I ate leftovers). I am still going to Northwestern University for Herceptin every three weeks. Herceptin is an infusion thats sort of clumped together in the chemo regimen but its not exactly chemo. I have hair again. (Great big poofy hair by the way), and it doesn’t cause my immune system to become suppressed) Which also means my rheumatoid arthritis is back, yay!) Herceptin is given to women with HER-2 positive breast cancer. In English, we have a receptor on our cancer cells that received a message to duplicate. I also have receptors for estrogen and progesterone. Herceptin and Perjeta are usually given during chemo to women with HER-2 positive cancer patients. But, since I am the queen of strange, my cancer, (it is theorized), changed from HER-2 negative (the initial 9 biopsies showed it was negative) to HER-2 positive at the time of my mastectomy. While this isn’t ideal and if i had we known sooner, the treatments could have caused all of the tumors to shrink instead of some (while others grew, -sucky.) This turned out to be good news to my oncologist because some of my cancer enlarged instead of shrank during chemo, so there was a concern about that. Yay!!! Strange cancer girl strikes again! So, yes, long story long, I was put on Herceptin last year (2018), in November, right after my mastectomy in October. I am on it for a full year, so, I am nearly done. Then, I was told, I will start another drug for HER-2 positive super awesome people such as myself that causes severe diarrhea! Super yay! That should go along nicely with my IBS-D. I will be on that for another full year. After that, I’m unsure. I do know that my odds of it returning are very high in the first two years. I believe that me being on these drugs, will be a good thing. I’m sarcastic and all, and of course, its not my favorite thing. But, it is really actually pretty great that I have these tools now to help it from coming back. Both my oncologist and I are doing everything we can to keep the cancer fucking duck from returning.

I am emotionally doing meh. In truth, its the reason I haven’t blogged. It is very difficult to write about my cancer experiences because I have to re-live them in a sense. I have to think about the experience in detail in order to write about it. I have pushed through my treatments with compliments coming out of my ass about how great im doing. This is the warrior part I guess. I was just fighting. Running on adrenaline. Sometimes just running on sleep. I wasnt dealing with the true reality of the situation. It felt like a dream. A fog really. Comprehending truly inside me the reality of the situation is still something I’m trying to deal with. I’m finally able to drive and help the boys with their homework. I can do laundry and dishes. I still cannot think clearly or remember properly often. But, I am alive and I haven’t forgotten about this blog. It’s been on my mind often. I hope you are all doing okay, but if you are not, don’t worry, I’m still working on that too. Lol.